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Old 06-28-2011, 09:25 PM
ClosetPoly ClosetPoly is offline
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Bergen, Norway
Posts: 79

Southern & Red: Well, it's not exactly all song and dance, I will admit. Deciding to trust her was definitely a release, and I do trust her to come home to me, but I must admit it took me a very short time to regress into the familiar uncomfortability. I think I have in a way restarted the whole process by setting her free. It's like it's a whole new situation and I have to deal with it from the top again. I'm not sure anymore what I feel, if it's letting go, sharing or just the insane weird change in my life. It is rather unpleasant at least, and I'd like it to wear off. I keep flickering between ohgodohgodohgodIcan'tdothis! and being truly happy for her. Very confusing times. Hopefully it shifts more into the latter soon.

We just had a rather pleasant 3some-setting, made dinner, watched a movie and performed a foot/head-massage on her, renewing that glow of opulence she has about her. :-)

Thank you for your support, Red. She's off to be with him tomorrow, early in the day, to stay all day, and I will focus on doing something for me. I'm just finding it hard to think of things I don't desperately want to share with her. We've been together for 13 years and overlap each other basically 100% in interests. Everything we do, we have done together, which I think makes this extra hard to deal with. Right now I'm exhausted from lack of sleep, and stuff is harder to deal with than normal...
Mono engaged to poly VanillaCrazyCake

Don't fear god, don't worry about death; What is good is easy to get, and what is terrible is easy to endure.
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