Southern & Red: Well, it's not exactly all song and dance, I will admit. Deciding to trust her was definitely a release, and I do trust her to come home to me, but I must admit it took me a very short time to regress into the familiar uncomfortability. I think I have in a way restarted the whole process by setting her free. It's like it's a whole new situation and I have to deal with it from the top again. I'm not sure anymore what I feel, if it's letting go, sharing or just the insane weird change in my life. It is rather unpleasant at least, and I'd like it to wear off. I keep flickering between ohgodohgodohgodIcan'tdothis! and being truly happy for her. Very confusing times. Hopefully it shifts more into the latter soon.
We just had a rather pleasant 3some-setting, made dinner, watched a movie and performed a foot/head-massage on her, renewing that glow of opulence she has about her. :-)
Thank you for your support, Red. She's off to be with him tomorrow, early in the day, to stay all day, and I will focus on doing something for me. I'm just finding it hard to think of things I don't desperately want to share with her.
We've been together for 13 years and overlap each other basically 100% in interests. Everything we do, we have done together, which I think makes this extra hard to deal with. Right now I'm exhausted from lack of sleep, and stuff is harder to deal with than normal...