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Old 06-28-2011, 06:41 PM
Minxxa Minxxa is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 497

From my point of view, I don't see this relationship as being healthy at all. Your husband needs to seek help. He cannot find happiness in other people, which it seems he's trying to do. He has to do that by himself or he will never be able to give that happiness to anyone else.

I know you asked someone else what sounded abusive, but I'm going to pull out some of the quotes from your first post that all indicated either abusive behavior, or at the very least a complete lack of love and respect for you.

And just to note, someone isn't poly if they're lying and hiding things. I'm sure the most recent girlfriends' family is telling her this, the fact that she lied to her fiance and hid it is a sign that something is not right. And considering her parents are poly the lying is most likely what set them off. Just a guess though.

Originally Posted by southerngirl View Post
He also began to tell me that I was not his type physically, but he loved me and didn't want to be with anyone else.

But then, my husband criticized me for having trouble losing weight after the baby.

Eventually it came out that he was jealous that I had been part of one-time sexual threesome that was a total disaster from my perspective.

He talked about her every day. She was smart, beautiful, this, that.

While I was in labor at the hospital this other woman kept texting him and telling him how much she loved him and how she couldn't imagine not seeing him for the two weeks he'd be on paternity leave.

When our son was 2 weeks old, my husband told me he was in love with her and didn't know if he wanted to be with me anymore or not.

Ultimately, my husband decided he wanted a poly relationship with the two of us.

Eventually, I realized that for whatever reason, my husband is very insecure and needs the love and support of multiple women.

We were in that relationship for about 3 years with a couple of breakups. I never really liked her although I tried very hard and did eventually feel honest affection for her. But she was violent and needy and just cold and mean to other people unnecessarily. Even though I was in a relationship and had sex with her and tried my best, I just always thought of her as a homewrecker and, at her core, a bad human being.

He became reckless and suicidal. He refused to get help. I felt like I had 3 kids to care for. He blamed me for the breakup. Blamed me for not trying to win her back for him,

She never told her boyfriend, fiance, though.

Then as our friend's marriage approached she decided to break off her engagement and all hell broke loose. She confessed everything to her parents and fiance and now everyone is telling her to go into counseling. That it's wrong, etc.

She broke up with my husband and now he's putting pressure on her, too, even though I keep telling him to give her space and let her figure this out on her own.

I can see him going down the rabbit hole again. And honestly, I don't know what to do. He keeps telling me I'm not doing anything to help him, but I don't know what he needs.

We haven't had sex in weeks because he was saving himself for his girlfriend because she didn't want to have sex until she broke up with her fiance.


Your husband is using everybody in his life to get his "needs" fulfilled. He doesn't seem to be showing respect for you or any of his other lovers. He wants what he wants and throws tantrums if he doesn't get it (and if you don't get it FOR him).

This is a much bigger question than helping a partner get over the loss of a partner.
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