When I first read the OP's first post, I suggested therapy simply because I think this issue and the struggles she is going through are too big for an anonymous forum on the internet. Different readers will tune in to different aspects of the post, might gloss over other aspects, and not all of the responses will resonate with the OP nor feel particularly helpful.
Ig, what comes through loud and clear to me is your anger. And I really don't feel this is the most helpful venue for you to get all this sensitive stuff out and look at it in order to constructively address what's going on in your relationship. So, I hope you and your hubs can find a way to look at the issues and express what's going on for you in a safe environment, like an understanding therapist's office or private conversations.