My husband and I talked. He was concerned and surprised because this was behavior very atypical for me. He was also hurt and betrayed.
But he doesn't want out of our marriage. We were talking about where to go from here, and I said that I could leave, we could accept that we both made mistakes (because in reading I discovered that he was less than honest with me about a specific situation) and try to move on from them... he said we could also "treat the disease and not the symptom," meaning breaking up with her. Neither of us want that, but it may ultimately happen for unrelated reasons.
He said me leaving or him leaving was unacceptable. He said his problems with her are far, far greater than the one he and I have now. He doesn't think they'd make it without me anyway, and interestingly enough, she said the same thing to me yesterday.
He's not being distant and he's hugging and touching me as much as ever. I am greatly relieved because he IS capable of holding a major grudge. I think he realizes that I know how badly I screwed up.