Red: Thank you, I am honoured! Things have changed, but not necessarily for the better for me. I'm having huge problems focusing these days, and I keep thinking about them. VanillaCrazyCake arranged a fantastic getaway just for us, yesterday, fancy hotel with a lovely outdoor pool. She coined a new term there, NRI/NRP, New Relationship Irritation/Pain. And I totally got that. :-D
What has changed though, Dingedheart, is that I don't feel fear anymore, I don't fear that she will leave me. I have set her free, and she remains with me, she has remained with me from the first day she admitted she loved him. I believe her. And I trusted in myself enough to give her full freedom of her life and relationship. If she'll leave me because he's better in bed, well then these 13 amazing years have been a charade. And they have not.
Would I like it better if she figured out she didn't need to have sex with him? Yes, very much. Is that likely? No, not so much. Should it matter? Not really.
Right now I'm just circling, dealing with the fact that she DOES love him so much, and actually WANT to have two relationships. It's still alien to me, but I don't expect that to change for a long time...
If however anyone has good tips or techniques on how to focus on what's at hand, feel free to pour them on me. Right now, they are both in my head even when I'm alone with my partner, and that is truly annoying, because I cannot focus all of my attention on her, which she deserves. I get distracted, and that makes me sad. Buuuut ok, 1 month in. What can I expect... :-)