well, last night she flew out of NY. she says it was a good visit. she saw alot of her old friends and of course her BF.
I survived. a couple bumps and bruises, awed and humbled but I survived. as much as I hate myself for sending the nasty email, I think it was a step forward. it forced her and I to talk. we talk all the time just not about this. I think she is starting to understand what I need.
next step. she is going to NY again in a few weeks for a graduation party. another event I was supposed to go to before I found out it was my time to rotate over here. on one hand, I'm glad she is seeing him so much, on the other hand, I'm naturally jealous. I think it is also starting to raise some suspicions amongst our families who don't know. I'll be gone for a total of 4 months, which is pretty good, shortest hitch in my navy career. this will be her 3rd trip to NY in those 4 months. subtlety is not her strong suit.
the upside to that is we'll both be getting back around the same time. she might actually have to cut her trip short depending on when I'm supposed to get back. I have no ETA yet.
I'm probably gonna need some more help when she goes again. you guys are amazing and I thank everyone for the advice.