Originally Posted by Ignorant
I'm a bit sore that I could have been benefitting from 8 years of exposure to this if my partner had been more upfront about his desires. Now I'm trying to play catch up to 15 years worth of angst. BUT its not due to an irrational fear of homosexual sex. It is fear but its over the sensation that I've been living with a stranger for years and wondering if I've met the real him yet. Nothing irrational about that and my feelings about it are not simple OPINION. What makes me feel irrational is when I'm struggling and people tell me I am merely being homophobic. What is the point of arguing -I'm sorry - discussing this with you when you keep missing the point? You don't even see me. I should want to get answers from you who seems willfully blind?
GS called it as he saw it I think.... we all do. I thought of homophobia too... after all, some people don't know they are about certain aspects of homosexuality until it comes up. You are right, we don't know you from Adam. We are text on the internet... we can't read your mind and we certainly can't tell you what is going on. You can tell us what is going on and if you disagree with what people say or they are misinformed then you can correct the assumptions as they come.... there is not reason to take it personally. If you don't like what someone says and it gets you worked up, ignore them and either come back to it or don't. There is no reason to assume that they are out to accuse you of anything. That is the beauty of on line forums; you get a really direct response to stuff that other people, who are actually in your life might not give you. GS isn't blind, he is questioning what is going on for you.... you might be some super star gay activist for all he knows... he wouldn't until you fill him in... so homophobia isn't it... we got that. *check* Lets try another avenue now huh?
So go talk to him then.... it doesn't seem you will get over that sense of betrayal that you are fostering as a result of thinking you have lived with a stranger all these years on your own... talk to the man. Sit and LISTEN, and love him, and swallow your resentment for the time you think you lost and start allowing him to be vulnerable and safe around you... it seems with the attitude you have at the moment he would be afraid of you. I would be if someone I love and trust was hurt and angry that I had made a discovery that I don't have to hide any more; that I decided to come out to myself. I wouldn't want to open my mouth if I thought you thought you were living with someone you didn't know.... he is the same man, just now he has discovered he is unable to keep his desire at bay any more. That doesn't make him different, that makes him MORE himself and therefore potentially more whole, more grounded, more proud, more full of self esteem, more respectful to himself.... all that is a GOOD thing and really, to me anyway, more worth being with.
I personally have no energy for anyone that isn't working out their stuff and allowing me to witness that. I understand you are struggling, but he is more and I really don't get the sense that you see that. I'm sorry you are hurt but I really think that directing your attention to him and caring is going to mean it is mirrored back to you. You get your needs met when you give. All I am getting from you is that you want something that doesn't exist any more, he wants something to change and the two of you are not giving to each other....