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Old 06-27-2011, 03:31 PM
Chimera Chimera is offline
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: New York
Posts: 66

Originally Posted by nycindie View Post

Personally, I don't think of monogamy or polyamory as something that a person is, like a sexual orientation. To me, it's nothing more than a system of relating. I don't think people are mono or poly, I just think people are people who make choices about how they want to live based on their experiences and/or belief systems. For now, I want polyamorous relationships in my life. I can foresee living polyamorously for approximately the next five years or so. After that, I don't know what I'll want. I could definitely get on board with monogamy again -- but I'm not choosing to do that yet. As far as cheating goes, I choose not to, so it's a no-brainer; I just don't, and it's not a temptation.
This is why I think the assertion above by serialmonogamiest that we're all human and our bodies work the same is just not true (including all the resaons already listed by Tonberry). As a species, we aren't slaves to instinct. For me, polyamory is more like my sexual orientation -- both are systems of relating/desiring. For me living monogamously would have to be a choice, just as some gay folks choose to live straight lives--both would be tough. For that reason, I also truly believe some folks are truly monogamous and although their actions might be different (as in the scenarios above), it's not what they really desire. My ex finally decided being mono was what made her happy and I believe her when she says that.

For me, lying and cheating are related, but separate things. Cheating involves a betrayal or violation of trust. If it happens once and is discussed, that doesn't make it okay, but it's not as bad as if it's an ongoing process coupled with lying. That takes what might be a "mistake" and moves it to the realm of calculating behavior and screwed up power relations. I'm sure many folks feel differently about these things, but I guess that's how I've always seen it. I've made mistakes, but have never lied about them. I couldn't live like that.
"Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within."James Baldwin
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