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Old 06-27-2011, 12:08 PM
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vixtresses vixtresses is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: South Florida
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OK, updates. First off, we're taking condoms seriously, despite my whiny bitching in the previous post. My therapist on Friday delivered a nice WHACK to the head also (thought you'd like to know, nycindie) when I brought Romeo in to my appointment and we explained the situation. She sort of drove home the points that were already brought up here.

Actually, now we're ALL using condoms, which kind of really sucks, but well... I screwed up. I didn't use a condom with Knight that first time, and that exposed me AND Romeo to a pretty significant risk. My city is rampant with STDs, I've heard something like 1 in 4 and 1 in 5 for different diseases around here. So, to minimize the risk I've brought to Romeo's and my bed, we're also now using condoms, at least until the test results come back, possibly longer.

I presented that option (starting to use condoms) to Romeo, but also told him that while I will absolutely not pressure him NOT to use condoms with me, I also cannot promise that I'll influence him TO use them, since I'd much rather NOT use them. So... yeah. He decided to go with condoms for the time being.

On the Knight front.... well we're using condoms. And they're still not working. Well, I guess I should rephrase that. They work REALLY well for preventing pregnancy and STDs by preventing ejaculation. At least in this case. We tried three different kinds. Some had more success in allowing a maintained erection, but all failed in the sensation part. I know that's not all there is to sex, but it's a pretty big part of sex...

Anyway, Knight is fine with whatever I decide. He insists that sex isn't necessary, and that other forms of physical affection are more important to him anyway. I'm skeptical, but we'll see.

In other news, Romeo called off our engagement yesterday. He wants us to go back to being boyfriend and girlfriend, for two main reasons. First, this (seeing other people, polyamory) isn't what he meant when he proposed. The symbol of the engagement ring and calling me his fiancee lost some kind of meaning to him. Second, he is still totally on board with polyamory and feels that he is more likely to find an interested partner if he is somebody's boyfriend rather than somebody's fiance. He said it might be different if we were already married, but being engaged is a sort of transitional state that complicates things and will just make it too difficult to find somebody. Given the first point, getting married right now wouldn't fix that. So... we're boyfriend and girlfriend again.

I'm not too happy about it. OK, I'm really not happy about it. And I told him as much, but I respect his decision and understand his reasoning. I am glad that he's verbalizing his feelings about something so important to him, because he does have difficulty with expressing his feelings about things. My therapist says that I have a very direct and assertive way of expressing myself, and Romeo tends to be more non-confrontational, so it's really easy to end up in conversations where I'm bulldozing straight for the heart of the matter and Romeo will pretty much shut up and agree to/with whatever I'm saying. Or if he even gets as far as expressing an issue with something I'm saying, he'll try so hard not to hurt my feelings that he doesn't get around to really saying what he means.

Guess we're getting down to the real stuff now. I told Knight about the called off engagement. I worried that he would think that he's causing problems in my relationship with Romeo, and he did seem to think that, but I hurried to reassure him that it wasn't about him. I just felt that it was right to let him know.

So... that's where we are today. Let's see where we end up.
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