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Old 06-27-2011, 06:00 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by ClosetPoly View Post
I took a giant leap of faith this morning, trusting myself for the first time in my life.

I have set rules, they have obliged, I have moved them, they have gratiously accepted, been thankful and moved on.

The last thing I read on the forum yesterday was the quote "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it's yours, if not, it never was.".

This morning I told my partner I'm setting her free. No rules, no boundaries but her own, she is free to be what she is.

my partner experienced deep and true love with him before they even got to touch or kiss each other. In that sense, the scary and truly dangerous part is already out in the open, their deep love. I do however see that I have kept a tether on the bird's leg, and this morning I cut that off. It was the scariest thing I've done so far, and at the same time it has really increased my peace inside, and made me even prouder of myself. I know that for every step from here on in, I can pat my own back, and it'll feel true. And every time my fantastic partner, and her amazing boyfriend says "thank you for giving us this", it'll be true and real, and I can take it to heart.

I finally feel like I'm treating my partner as an equal, truly respecting her for what she is and finally treating myself as her equal. I can in time start expecting things and make demands, as can she. This is now hers, not mine.
Originally Posted by ClosetPoly View Post
by removing myself from that equation, I give her back control over her life. She's not controlled directly by me, but rather by how she feels about pushing her own boundaries, and balancing that against how much pain I might be in at that particular point in time.
This is a huge lesson learned in poly I have found. Awesome that you reached this place! Really it is I'm so happy for you. From here on in I would be surprised if everything hasn't changed for you. This is a deep change, more than perhaps you realize at the moment. Its complete freedom from fear. I hope you can hold on to that.

I am going to steal this for the lessons learned thread. This is a really great story that hopefully will give others hope and help them get there. Thanks!
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