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Old 06-27-2011, 03:05 AM
Ignorant Ignorant is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2011
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Seasnail View Post
I'm curious why you think this is unfair? Like other posters, I wonder if it is because you are only interested in sex with love at this time. However, there are people who seem genuinely happy in various arrangements of sex, love, and committment.
Because it has always ended in a crash and burn situation. Not just with them feeling hurt and expressing it but also in acting out angrily or petty. If not for their reaction it might feel less unfair. Clearly I, we for the most part upset them.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Seasnail View Post
Again, I'm curious. I don't think you would have said this if it wasn't important to you, but I'm not sure I understand how it is related to the rest of the issue, and I would like to understand. Would you tell more?
It was to colorfully infer that he is feeling sensitive about his experiences in poly lately. He feels down on himself and compares my experiences in poly to his in a success VS lack of manner.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Seasnail View Post
It sounds like you are frustrated with yourself, and disappointed in your reaction.
Yes. But we are working through it better and more compassionately.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Seasnail View Post
I get the understanding from this and more of your writing that you feel most uncomfortable when you believe that there are expectations on you to enjoy something that you don't find interesting. Are you also afraid that you (or your huband's interest in women altogether) will be replaced by his interest in men?

Something else I notice, is that you mention having gotten used to the idea and practice of polyamory, and now you feel thrown by the idea that your husband may also be interested in women.
? I've known he was into women for about 8 years now and I've met about a handful of his ex GFs. I'm dealing with getting use to his interest in men.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Seasnail View Post
I wonder, since these seem to be related for you, if it is not so much about his interest in men, as it is about the change process. Though change is inevitable, we all experience it differently at different times in our lives. I have noticed that what is desirable for one partner is not always easy for the other, even if they can see the happiness that may come of it at the end. Do you feel tired? What nurture do you need from your husband in order to deal with this change? Can you make specific requests to him?

Much love to you as you figure all this out together.
This is what I'm figuring out
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