Originally Posted by Tonberry
You wouldn't be in that position though. You would be in his position when there were two females. You don't seem to think HE was bing used by the two of you during these times. You feel SHE was.
Therefore, the equivalent would mean the male partner would be used. Not you.
I notice though that in both cases a female becomes the used person. It seems to be less about who is "extra" and more about who is male and who isn't. I'm just throwing that out there, because maybe psychologically you feel sex for a woman is a more vulnerable act, and that she's more likely to be used than a male?
At any rate, if you don't want to be part of a threesome anymore, don't be. If he wants to have sex with males, you don't need to be around. If you do decide to do it, you can make conditions, such as have it be about you and have you be in charge, which could help you feel less used.
Honestly, from the post I read it seemed more about feelings about homosexuality, but more of a general feeling that males were threatening, and two of them would mean you were used even more, when an extra female meant she'd be used instead. I'm female and I'm not used unless I want to be, and I use men if they want to be used.
I think you can explain to him how you feel the way you did here, or even have him read your posts. A lot of people seem to put more thoughts into creating posts that explain the whole situation than explaining things to their partners. Maybe because you have to explain the whole thing from the start. Either way, it could be insightful for him.
I think what you're not seeing is that I've worn that Bi tag very lightly if at all; women entering OUR bed were being emotionally held at arms length and were not invited simply so I could get my woman fix and still retain my bi status. I don't care what tag someone gives me for what act. It wasn't about a woman's body to me just that it was aother body. Two bodies for me. Two bodies for him. Both he and I already with an emotional investment leaving them - what in regards to their emotions?
Because my partner has faced physical threat for his sexuality and hid it for so long, it IS about the male body specifically. It isn't just about another body in the mix; he has a specific craving. We did not invite women because I had a craving for sex with a woman but a craving for another body in the mix. It is why I felt we were using them and felt bad about doing so if deeper feelings developed on their part. If I'm
tossed in the mix for him and a guy I would be so in the same capacity as liquid courage because I have no craving for the sex that goes on between two men. At least when I wear a strap on for my partner I have a role to play albeit the tofurkey version of what my partner has been craving.