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Old 10-13-2009, 10:15 PM
seepage43 seepage43 is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 2
Default Community input, please

I'm brand new here and have only had a relatively small amount of experience in polyamorous relationships (My bi girlfriend in college and I dated a third girl seriously and another casually for several months with no problems), so I was hoping for some feedback from this community on my disposition and how common it is among polyamorous types.

I really enjoyed the relationship I was in in college, especially the emotional aspect of sharing your love for someone with others you love; it's nice to have a bigger team, so to speak. I have two concerns though.

My first concern is that I can't handle cheating, but let me define the word as it applies to me. I don't mind if a girlfriend hooks up with a girl, whether I'm there or not, even whether I know her or not; I can never be a girl for her, so why would I be upset when she want's a girl? I definitely would not be ok if any girl I was with were to sleep with a random guy, as I can be a guy for her and she's choosing him over me, so to speak.

My second concern is in regards to guys. As I suggested above, I'm straight and tend to be jealous. That being said, if I knew, liked and trusted the guy and knew that everyone involved cared for each other, I wouldn't mind sharing emotionally and physically and believe I'd have no problem forming a close emotional bond as well with him, though very different in nature than with the girls (something more akin to brotherhood). I wouldn't be ok with a girl dating another guy separately from me (or us, as the case may be).

So my questions are:

Is it common to have a polyamorous relationship develop as a single group where members only sleep with each other (i.e. it'd be cheating to sleep outside the group without permission)?

Given my attitude toward guys, I seem to have a chicken and egg problem: How could a guy be brought into the group when I think I'd only be ok with the girls attention toward him if he were already part of the group?

Thanks so much, I'm sure you can understand it's a bit to work on internally :-)
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