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Old 06-26-2011, 04:17 PM
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Seasnail Seasnail is offline
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 77

Originally Posted by Ignorant View Post
I don't envision a full on relationship with a woman and never have. I know this is unfair to female partners and knowing this has diminished my want for intimacy with women. It isn't real intimacy its just fucking and I don't want to make anyone regret sharing their body.
I'm curious why you think this is unfair? Like other posters, I wonder if it is because you are only interested in sex with love at this time. However, there are people who seem genuinely happy in various arrangements of sex, love, and committment.

So we've been poly 2 years. Ups and downs but mostly good. He meets women and nothing works out for him long term. Meanwhile I could have a date any night I wish so there is a bit of a competitive vibe there but I don't go out more than one night a week with who I've been seeing.
Again, I'm curious. I don't think you would have said this if it wasn't important to you, but I'm not sure I understand how it is related to the rest of the issue, and I would like to understand. Would you tell more?

I've know he liked to view shemale and transsexual porn. In the last 2 months, his bi side has been growing more expressive. At this point I am dismayed at my hypocrisy and the emotional response this has brought out in me.
It sounds like you are frustrated with yourself, and disappointed in your reaction.

My partner assures me I am his ideal but he is also aware I'm a bit put off by two men having sex so I wonder how much he would flatter me on this subject by not expressing his level of interest in men/men in drag/intersexed people.... This is killing our sex life. He doesn't feel wanted and I feel inadequate. He feels I think he is gross and I suspect he'd put more effort into this if I did have a dick. UGH! On top of it all I get to feel bad because I am not turned on by everything that turns him on. If I don't get super charged up about his interest in transsexuals or guys, he gets in a twist and says he never should have let me know that side of him and he is just going to shut up about it and not act on it. Why do I have to be a part of the mix if he sees a guy? I haven't been part of the mix for every woman he has dated.
I get the understanding from this and more of your writing that you feel most uncomfortable when you believe that there are expectations on you to enjoy something that you don't find interesting. Are you also afraid that you (or your huband's interest in women altogether) will be replaced by his interest in men?

Something else I notice, is that you mention having gotten used to the idea and practice of polyamory, and now you feel thrown by the idea that your husband may also be interested in women. I wonder, since these seem to be related for you, if it is not so much about his interest in men, as it is about the change process. Though change is inevitable, we all experience it differently at different times in our lives. I have noticed that what is desirable for one partner is not always easy for the other, even if they can see the happiness that may come of it at the end. Do you feel tired? What nurture do you need from your husband in order to deal with this change? Can you make specific requests to him?

Much love to you as you figure all this out together.
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