Originally Posted by Ignorant
I began to see our little threesomes with women to be very little about who they were as a person but all about this extra body for our pleasure. They would get in their feelings and we barely registered their distress. I should want to be in this position just to nto be called a homophobe?!?
You wouldn't be in that position though. You would be in his position when there were two females. You don't seem to think HE was bing used by the two of you during these times. You feel SHE was.
Therefore, the equivalent would mean the male partner would be used. Not you.
I notice though that in both cases a female becomes the used person. It seems to be less about who is "extra" and more about who is male and who isn't. I'm just throwing that out there, because maybe psychologically you feel sex for a woman is a more vulnerable act, and that she's more likely to be used than a male?
At any rate, if you don't want to be part of a threesome anymore, don't be. If he wants to have sex with males, you don't need to be around. If you do decide to do it, you can make conditions, such as have it be about you and have you be in charge, which could help you feel less used.
Honestly, from the post I read it seemed more about feelings about homosexuality, but more of a general feeling that males were threatening, and two of them would mean you were used even more, when an extra female meant she'd be used instead. I'm female and I'm not used unless I want to be, and I use men if they want to be used.
I think you can explain to him how you feel the way you did here, or even have him read your posts. A lot of people seem to put more thoughts into creating posts that explain the whole situation than explaining things to their partners. Maybe because you have to explain the whole thing from the start. Either way, it could be insightful for him.