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Old 06-26-2011, 02:06 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231

Hey Ignorant,

I think you may have reacted a little defensively to my prev post (?) and the term 'homophobic'. May have struck a nerve ?
My post wasn't really directed at you personally. It was more a general comment about the state of society and how things take turns like this.

Originally Posted by Ignorant View Post
.............I've seen men being affectionate in front of me without issue. I've seen them kiss; it doesn't phase me. I've never thought it had anything to do with me. Its two guys exploring their interest in sex with men and how their bodies feel together. THAT doesn't bother me at all but I didn't get off on it either. like seeing a mime performance and learnig there is a school for miming. Not being interested and not seeking out more ways to incorporate miming into my life does not equal thinking miming is wrong gross or immoral.
Not that it matters, but just food for thought and your own introspection.....

It's telling when you can observe something and as long as it's not really connected to you in some way be indifferent - but when it comes too close to home it invokes a reaction. That makes a clear statement. No point in trying to argue it with yourself or anyone else. It's just the reaction that came from you naturally. Some disgust. It's who you are internally at this point. That's fine. Unless you feel it isn't !

Originally Posted by Ignorant
What I am put off by is the idea of being used as a springboard for him and another guy like I'm a blow up doll in the middle with semi to non interesting parts but useful in the easing of any awkwardness they might have about being intimate with another man.
Sorry - I gotta cry "justification" on this one
And that because you have repressed bisexual tendencies yourself - you just simply don't understand the dynamic. That's ok too. But call a spade a spade.

Originally Posted by Ignorant
......... He was the one who wanted poly and I found a way to accept that. I finally do and now I'm thrown back into the fire of am I good enough? thoughts. How would I ever be comfortable with being dehumanized and used by him and someone I don't love just so they could feel less awkward about homosexual sex?
Personally, I doubt this is the case. I doubt he's uncomfortable (awkward) - except in your presence - BECAUSE of your attitude and reaction. I don't think he should do that - to either of you. Just go explore by himself and enjoy it.

And just so you may understand.......

Multi partner sex is not about 'using' some central person(s) - and yet it IS. Because in a fashion - everyone "uses" everyone when the mood suits because I think the biggest attraction to multipartner sex is that options become possible (sexually) that are simply impossible any other way. So the additional partners could be looked on as tools of the objective. But everyone is both tool and material I think getting all tangled up in philosophical points who's the user and who's the useee is nothing more than a negative distraction. It misses the whole point of it !

In any case, we're getting off track.

If you are turned off by a male who likes to play with other males (as a lover of yours) then you have two choices............

Adopt a DADT policy and stick your head in the sand. Probably too late for that - but in the future........

Take an honest look at both bisexuality and multi-partner combinations and see if there's anything erotic in there for you - or not. There may not be. So in the future, that needs to be a question that comes out early in potential relationship conversations. It's a big trigger point for you.

Hope you figure something out............

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