Originally Posted by nycindie
Oh, and about checking out the pics of the women who post on his FB, stop imagining which ones he's with and ask him that too! You should know who they are, it shouldn't be a big mystery.
Exactly what I was thinking! Poly isn't about secrets. What's scary and can fuel our insecurities often is mystery. "Who else is he with? How many of them? Maybe she's nicer than me and perfect and so on?"
Well, ask who his other partners are, they're your metamours, it's perfectly normal for you to know them, talk to them and get to know them. It's much less scary when it's an actual person you know.
Plus this way one might tell you she's seeing him a specific day and time and you'll know not to call then, or you can arrange schedules with them too, not just with him.
Plus knowing your metamours is a good way to be sure he's not actually cheating. Sadly it doesn't seem uncommon for cheaters to just go "oh yeah, my wife/girlfriend/partner know" (or the potential plural equivalents) because this way they have to hide the cheating from one less person and it's easier for them to deal with.