Recently a close friend and I got into an awkward situation that made us both feel unsafe and uncomfortable (around platonic cuddling and non-sexual physical intimacy). After we had talked it through, I decided that our friendship needed some clearly defined boundaries in order to survive, move forward, and grow - mainly, that we needed to stop with the cuddling because, for me, that's something that leads to sexual arousal. PLove had no problem cuddling with her, and I'm happy about that, but I'm wired really differently.
I know myself: I’m a guy and I have a penis, which means a solid 40% of my brain power is usually spent thinking about having sex with a woman, Cylon, female elven sorceress, female orc warrior, or tentacled Lovecraftian femme fatale; maybe even 50% if I’m listening to Miles Davis, drinking a good merlot, looking at PLove's booty, or it’s been at least 45 minutes since my last orgasm. I'm also a very physical person, one of those big, annoying, bear-like guys that likes to slap you on the back when he's laughing, enjoys giving big hugs that usually leave people feeling slightly weak and disoriented from lack of oxygen, and who thinks wrestling is a form of foreplay. So, for me, cuddling and all that just turns into arousal, and why get aroused with someone who is not open to having a sexual relationship with me? So, it makes the most sense for me to keep that behavior in my intimate relationship.
For me, being poly and opening my marriage means being very clear about the role of relationships. Who’s a potential or actual lover, who is a friend, who is shifting from one to the other, and what are everyone’s fears, desires, expectations, and intentions? Being 5-months new to having had the initial conversation about trying out a new model for our marriage, I realize and joyously accept that every experience is still part of the learning curve.
I'm just glad that I'm not the only person who likes the cuddling to be contained inside a relationship where, if you get the urge to do more than just caress, you're free to express that without crossing any boundaries.
Last edited by Hades36; 06-26-2011 at 11:37 AM.