Originally Posted by rory
Obviously, communication is just as important in mono relationships, but it doesn't get talked about very much. I guess you need to have big problems before you are supposed to work on your communication, precisely cause when you're in love you're assumed to know what your partner wants etc.
That's quite an assumption right there! Hmm, I think this is an incorrect idea you have about expectations in mono relationships. I do "get" that YES, there are things we all are taught to believe that our partner will know automatically "if they love us" or are tuned in to us the way they "should" be, but communication is always stressed a great deal in therapy, and any book or workshop about relationships (I've taken dozens of those over the course of twenty years or so), and on those darned daytime talk shows -- all focused on monogamous relationships. In none of my monogamous relationships did I ever have the idea that I was supposed to wait until a problem was huge before communicating to my partners. I don't think communication is ever glossed over in discussing any kind of relationship dynamic, whether mono or poly. There are many authors out there who advocate expressing everything and not holding back even the minutest detail when communicating to our partner.
But as far as the belief that a partner should know certain stuff without being told, I think it stems from "magical thinking" -- that idea we are taught that when we meet the right person everything will magically fall into place and all our dreams and desires will be fulfilled. Your list pretty much covered the typical expectations that get placed on a partner. Probably another one to add to those would be knowing when something irritates me or doesn't sit well with me, like being in a situation that I want to leave. I remember getting impatient with my husband for lingering too long at places (parties, etc.) when I really wanted to get the hell out of there, and it annoyed me a few times that I had to tell him. I think we just expect our mates to be in tune with our needs and feelings all the time.