Yes its true that some people call themselves poly when they are infact not in it for the "love." The "amory" part of polyamory is "love." I don't know what wiki definiton you got, or whatever, but a one night stand whilst drunk is just a one night stand not polyamory. If you came on here and said she had fallen in love with a guy and wanted to pursue a deep meaningful, boyfriend thing with him then THAT would be poly. Sorry, this was an act, out of the result of your open relationship.
To the points raised...
It sounds to me like girlfriend is having some feelings about the whole night that she isn't expressing. She said she wants to be monogamous with you and then sleeps with someone. That would confuse and make me feel un-pure in some way and deceitful irregardless of what you think and want in a relationship.
Perhaps your wanting to know details pushed uncomfortable feelings to the forefront of her mind. Getting drunk and fucking a stranger in their hotel room can do some stuff to a persons psyche to begin with. Negative stuff like negative body image, feelings of lack of self control and feelings of being used. Who knows what really happened but she could of not used protection, could of had her body damaged, could of done things or been done to in ways she didn't feel comfortable. It could of been a date rape situation that she is not fully aware of as she was drunk. If you are not having issues then I suggest you put your turn-ons aside and support her with this in mind. Perhaps you need to look at this not in terms of "should I be feeling something" but "what is she feeling?"
I don't know what you have said in your intro, but I am finding myself wondering what "poly" as you have called it... means to you? Do you have one night stands with drunk strangers? If so, she could be acting out in some way towards that.
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Last edited by redpepper; 10-13-2009 at 08:16 PM.