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Old 06-25-2011, 01:05 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 6,278

Originally Posted by Abstract View Post
I am wondering how people work out a triad situation and manage to keep everyone in the situation happy....

Are there people who are content to live in a separate house from thier significate other and never expect to live with them, but still feel like they are loved and getting what they need?
I am not in a triad, but I have a poly gf. She also has a bf and I am dating and looking. I've had a few relationships of 3 mos to 2 years, of varying degrees of intensity and commitment.

How often do you generally see this person?
My gf and I each have our own apts, about 20 miles apart. We spend about half the week together, either at her place or mine.

Does it work for you?
Do you see other people to fill the void?
Yes to both.

What if you couldnt live with them, and you didn't see anyone else, and this was a situation you wanted long term, do you still think all your needs would be met?
You mean, if I was mono, but my partner was poly? That would depend on how independent I was (if I were mono, which I am not). Most monos here in relationship with polys tend to work hard on having lots of friends and hobbies to focus on for when their poly partner is with someone else.

What about living together......

If you do live with 3 people.....

Is time and attention equal?
Do you get equal say in the house hold?
If not are you ok with that?
Look at Redpepper's blog thread. She has a bf and a husband living with her, and she and Mono are very chatty about it all.

What are the rules that exist....if any?
Does everyone find these rules to be fair?
Does one person always feel like they are making a sacrifice to follow rules they don't really want to?
If your the one who wants/needs the rules, do you feel like the bad guy? or that you are making other people unhappy?
Do people initially agree to rules to make someone happy, and than want them to change, what if the rules will never change?
The word boundary seems to be more useful than rule. Yes, boundaries can be flexible and shift depending on people's comfort levels and changing needs. Everyone's feelings are important and boundaries need to be able to attain as much equal comfort and joy as possible.

What about alone time, and privacy, how do people do that, are things scheduled?

It seems like there isn't much excitment in scheduling sex and things?
Huh, if you've ever lived with your parents while being sexually active, or had kids, you know sex needs to be scheduled.

Do people all share one bedroom usually?
Rarely, it seems.

Good list of questions!
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 62) loving Pixie (poly, F, 40) since January 2009, living together since 2013
Seeing Kahlo (polyish, M, 45)
Master, (mono, M, 36), Pixie's Dom/bf for 3+ years
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