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Old 06-25-2011, 01:21 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
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I wrote this on the poly group I facilitate on FB... I wanted to share it here too. I changed the names to what you know them as

I'm feeling a bit weepy tonight. This is the only place I feel I can really express why. Please bare with me

Today was my boys last day of school. He is on break now for the summer having completed grade 2. We are celebrating tonight with his favorite meal and mine; Nachos! Mono, PN and I are having a beer with that. They are all putting together the Wii that he got for the end of the school year and for working so hard at finishing with night time pull ups.

Some back ground: When I met Mono more than two years ago PN and I had a hard time adjusting to the fact that I was deeply in love and WAY in my NRE. I was a neglectful mother to my boy and him and while I know that is just part of it, I do have some shame in that.

By the time Mono and I were obvious to all those around me I was in denial that my child's needs were not being met in having a mother close to him and engaged in his life. My mother, who finally confronted us with what was happening, was concerned that I was not paying attention and blamed me for being a bad mother. The first time since he was born. I was ANGRY, very angry. She had accused Mono of molesting our boy and demanded that I take him for evaluation by a doctor. I was angry a whole lot with her back then. This accusation didn't help.

I am feeling very proud today. I am proud of myself because I rose out of my NRE and worked hard to fulfill my biggest dream of starting a house and life full of loves, love and more healthy, strong adults in every way for my boy to be around. It was doubtful to all those around me who had known me for years that I could actually achieve this. I flew by the seat of my pants and in the face of adversity I stood strong in my convictions that I was making a good decision for my family.

My boy had a hard time at first, as did I. He was clingy and needy and demanding of my attention. He was showing negative behaviour at school, not doing well in his class or at least to the potential I knew he could and didn't want to be there. He wanted me to pick him up early every day...

Even though I wanted to do my own thing, get on with my own life, I did everything I could to see to it that he had my attention. PN and Mono helped. I could NOT of done this without their dedication to making it all work. Everything to including him in all we do, child care so that I could hang out with one of them at a time and pursue other interests, to involving my family when they were really hard to deal with... all of it we did together but at my request...

I just looked at my boys report card and he exceeded in EVERYTHING.... This is not only huge to me because for the last months his teachers have said he is doing really well in all aspects of his life, but because I struggled with everything in school. I failed most of the time as I had undiagnosed dyslexia.

I immediately phoned my parents as we traditionally have a celebration where he gets to show us all the work he has done, including his report card. I cried. I wasn't expecting it, but as I left a message on their machine I burst into tears. All I said after explaining why I was calling and crying was. I did it..... we did it. We are doing it I guess I just realized that.
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