Just a quick update on my own personal fears.
I used to tell Redpepper I had to prepare myself continuously for her to fall in love with someone else (OK..fall in love might be a strong word. I like the love aspect of polyamory, I don't like the casual sex aspect of swinging or "hobby sex" which to me is not polyamory)...or several someone else’s LOL! I explained it as not wanting to get secure and then have the carpet pulled out from underneath me.
It's ok to be prepared or accept that new relationships are a possibility but to dwell on it and withdrawal every time a new friend is mentioned is extremely unhealthy. I was approaching some things wrongly because of my inexperience. It is at times difficult for me to be in an environment where (in my perspective) everyone is sizing each other up to see if sharing love, and therefore sex, is possible. I had been using over preparation as a defence mechanism but it was also blocking some of the incredible love and trust that flows between us.
I have moved on from that fear and now am feeling an even greater depth to our relationship. I stepped off the carpet and now stand on hard wood..much more difficult to pull!
Last edited by MonoVCPHG; 05-10-2009 at 04:27 AM.