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Old 06-24-2011, 05:58 PM
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vixtresses vixtresses is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: South Florida
Posts: 108

OK, talking I can do. Fluid bonding is a new concept to me (only heard about it recently when reading about poly stuff here), and I'd have to explain it to the guys, too, so it's not like they have any preconceived notions of what it is. More likely there are preconceived notions of normal safe sex practices, and that's where the differences are going to be.

I'll try and give it a decent shot with condoms. The particular ones we used were new to Knight, he'd chosen them because they said "ultra-thin" and he figured there'd be more sensation, but instead they were very constricting and essentially cut off bloodflow and the majority of the sensations for him. He did say he knew of others that worked better for him, so we'll try those, and probably some other varieties just in case.

This probably sounds stupid, but I'm having a hard time coming up with the reasoning myself for using a condom after our royal fuck up last night. We've gotten tested. Once we get the results, assuming we're in the clear, what's the point anymore? We've already exposed ourselves to each other's fluids (well, precum, anyway, he did pull out). I don't know how I'm going to nail condom use down as law if I'm having a hard time with it myself. I don't know what we're protecting ourselves from if we're already exposed, if the results come back clean, and I have a relatively permanent and no-brainer form of contraception in place. Not arguing, just... help me think this through?

Yeah, fluid bonding would be a really huge step this soon in the Knight/I relationship. If we're just talking about PIV sex with no condom, no withdrawal, that didn't happen even between Romeo and I until only a year and a half ago or so, when I got my IUD. We were bare backing with withdrawal for practically our whole sex life together, though. We started out using condoms, but we stopped using them probably within a few months. We kept on using them intermittently (trying to "be good") for a long time after that, but we finally gave up and accepted the fact that we both really didn't like condoms.

As far as the whole "heat of the moment" decision making goes, hmm. Actually I need to really look at the way I operate under those conditions. I really have a hard time saying no. I tend to look at sexual situations as very vulnerable conditions for both parties, and I go out of my way to avoid making the other person uncomfortable, to the point of compromising myself. (Yes, bad. I know. I'm trying to think this through here.) There was a one-night stand situation years ago where I ended up letting a guy have sex with me because I'd said "no" when he was giving me a massage and his hands strayed to my breasts and he asked if I wanted him to stop. I didn't mean to agree to have sex with him, but I could tell that's how he took it and I didn't want to embarrass him by stopping him once his intentions became apparent. Now, I don't see what happened between Knight and I as similar, because I DID want everything that we did and more, but I do need to be aware of my difficulty with boundaries all the same. I just don't really know what to DO with that awareness.
Vix for short.
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