Originally Posted by vixtresses
I'll look up your thread, thanks. I'll talk to Romeo and Knight about fluid bonding... it's such a new concept to me, but then, so is poly. Did you mean sit down with them separately and talk, or all together?
What fluid bonding means to me... good question. I'd thought of it as just penis-in-vagina sex with no withdrawal and no condom. All these other things you mention hadn't occurred to me. In my rather limited sexual experience, I'd never bothered with a condom/barrier for any of them. Condoms for oral sex? I guess swallowing's off the table... GLOVES? For what? For fingering? Wow, I'd never even thought of that. I don't know if I could do that.
It's really important that everyone involved knows exactly what the safer sex agreements are. I learned the hard way that fluid bonding can mean different things to people. As long as you and your guys come to an understanding, and everyone is on the same page, it doesn't matter if you talk to them individually or together.
Also, it's critical to realistically assess risks. Planned Parenthood has good basic information (www.plannedparenthood.org
) on all sorts of sex related topics. The San Francisco City Clinic has a great list of various STD risks of transmission for different sex acts but look at their site in general - lots of great information: http://www.sfcityclinic.org/
. Yes, some of it is scary to learn. Read anyway.
I don't mean to imply that safer sex means that you have to use everything above all the time for all sex acts. In fact, I rarely use gloves anymore because I and my partners agree that our risk is low. You and your partners decide what is fluid bonding. It can be PIV w/o withdrawal or condoms. Also, you may want different practices with Romeo than you do with Knight. Maybe you fluid bond with Romeo but use condoms with Knight. Or vice versa. There's nothing wrong with that - again, as long as everyone knows, understands and agrees.
Just think about what you and your guys do, the level of risk everyone is taking, and what level of risk you are willing to accept (when rational, not high on NRE or other drugs, or in throes of passion). Also try to develop agreements that you are likely to keep. Rules that are often broken are useless and keep no one healthy. If you truly can't stand condoms, then your only safer option is to fluid bond with your guys and that assumes that you, and they, are always faithful. And from what you have written, that huge step may be a bit soon for some of your relationships.
These can be awkward, hard, and weird conversations to have with lovers. But they are critical and can lead to greater intimacy. I learned much I did not know about my partners - our actual practices, our assumptions, and beliefs around sex. Keep thinking and talking - you'll be fine.