Originally Posted by nycindie
This is just stubbornness and a bit of deliberate ignorance, I think. There are hundreds of brands of condoms for all different shapes, lengths, and girths of penises, and in all types of thicknesses (hello, ultra-thin, anyone?), and with a variety of ribs, dots, colors, whatever. Buy an assortment and find which ones you like best. Lube helps with friction. Make friends with lube, it's fun and pleasurable to use. It's not only your own life you're playing fast and irresponsible with, it's your beloved's too. There are good prices to buy assortment packs online (undercovercondoms.com is one place, drugstore.com has some).
It isn't funny. If you're going to be open or have poly relationships, you've got to use condoms. It takes a long time and a great deal of trust to go without. Not using condoms because you have this idea that you hate them is simply childish and unrealistic in this day and age. I know I might come off sounding harsh, but it's tough love. Ya gotta wake up and grow up.
Thwack! (that was me smacking you in the head)
Ow! Thanks for the thwack, I needed that. You're absolutely right, of course.
I have lube, I guess I'll just bring it over. My body's been cooperating so far in lubing itself up (thanks, NRE) so I haven't felt like I needed it, but I hadn't thought of it possibly helping with the condom usage.
I really appreciate the tough love. I can be sensible in a lot of ways, but for some reason this one's a weak spot.
Originally Posted by opalescent
It's time to have the fluid bond talk with Romeo, Knight and yourself. Search for fluid bonding and you will find much here, including my own stupid tale - the thread is called "Fluid Bond Mistake".
SW and I miscommunicated and had unprotected sex. I did not get pregnant and we did not test positive for STDs. But that was SHEER DUMB LUCK. Either of us could have been lying about our STD statuses or just unaware we carried a disease. And pregnancy was unlikely but not impossible. Let me repeat: SHEER DUMB LUCK.
Beloved, my wife, was hurt by my carelessness. And worried for my health. We worked through it and are doing well but she is not going to forget it. (Fortunately while she may not forget, she does forgive - one of many reasons I love that woman.)
Anyway, Romeo may be doing the manly thing of covering up hurt and worry. Your NRE-induced lack of safe sex and his reticence/joking may be damaging your relationship. So talk things over with Romeo and Knight and come to an agreement about safer sexual practices. Do you want to be fluid bonded with either or both partner? It sounds like you are de facto fluid bonded with Romeo.
Discuss what fluid bonding means to you specifically. Is it using condoms during intercourse but not during blowjobs? What about dental dams when you are getting oral sex? When to use gloves? How often do you get tested? Does the fluid bond/safer sex guidelines change when one of you adds partners? How to handle safer anal sex?
Yes, it's time to learn to love the latex - or latex alternatives - for you and your guys. Squeaky sex is nothing compared to burning, itching crotch - and it gets worse from there. And lube easily removes the squeak. Make it a game - how many different condoms can we try in a session? I bet your guys will love having a 'goal'.
I'll look up your thread, thanks. I'll talk to Romeo and Knight about fluid bonding... it's such a new concept to me, but then, so is poly. Did you mean sit down with them separately and talk, or all together?
I know it's never 100% certain that a contraceptive works, but I'm very confident I won't get pregnant from this encounter, since I have an IUD. But yeah, I do understand that I'm putting Romeo and myself at risk of STDs since we're still waiting for test results.
You're probably right about Romeo covering up. I need to smack myself out of this NRE stuff for a bit and talk to him again. I know he has a tendency to gloss over the stuff that really bothers him, so I need to take special effort to have a real discussion about it.
What fluid bonding means to me... good question. I'd thought of it as just penis-in-vagina sex with no withdrawal and no condom. All these other things you mention hadn't occurred to me. In my rather limited sexual experience, I'd never bothered with a condom/barrier for any of them. Condoms for oral sex? I guess swallowing's off the table... GLOVES? For what? For fingering? Wow, I'd never even thought of that. I don't know if I could do that. I blame porn. I love porno sex.
(I'm being goofy here. I get goofy when I'm awkward.)
OK, OK, I'll buy a smorgasbord of condom varieties before anything else.
Thanks for the feedback, you two. I really do appreciate it.