Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG
Depends on how you define monogamy. I define it simply as having a singular intimate/romantic connection at a time. Yes people break up but that happens for many reasons. Sometimes they form a new connection..I did that when I was married. Here is the thing though. When I formed that new connection, I was not connected to anyone at that time. I was still married but I had lost my intimate connection. There was no overlap of romantic love.
In order for me to form a new connection I must first lose any existing one or not have one to begin with. In that sense I claim 100% monogamy. Could someone sweep me off my feet with a new connection? Not unless I have a weak one with my current partner. That is why it is so important to check in with myself. If I fail to realise my connection is lost (which happened in the past with my ex) there is an opportunity for another to form. I'm not poly, I don't have multiple intimate/romantic relationships. One person gets all of me in that sense.
Ok, so you do see a situation where a couple has lost romantic intensity but are still committed to staying together and making it work as a monogamist's opportunity to shift focus to a new love interest? I would still call that polyamory because if you have strong feelings of wanting to stay committed to your current partner, even if the spark is missing (temporarily or permanently), then that also involves love. Maybe what you mean to say is that you can't focus on feeling in love with more than one person at a time. But surely you could feel butterflies on a date one day and have that feeling subside when the person doesn't return your messages and then meet someone new that gave you similar feelings again? After going through this kind of thing for a while, you could easily bounce from one love-interest to another - assuming you didn't have any faith in the previous one to stick around for another date. I actually find this a little sad to talk about because it sounds like an abundance of love while really it is a lack of relational continuity.