Originally Posted by Chimera
Sage -- we actually did change some boundaries over the years for those reasons. At first we said no relationships/sex in our circle of mutual friends, but it wasn't realistic for us. Right now, what we have is very minimal and is the basic that I need in the relationship.
After talking, it seems clear that this is finally the wake-up call that should have come ages ago. I think also because I have no anger right now, just sadness, that it's been easier to really talk about.
I'm leaning toward asking him to think about counseling and creating some space between us. Although finding a poly-friendly counselor is going to be a challenge. It puts off having to decide to end this or not and concentrates on the process of change. So hard.
I totally get how hard it is. For me, the no anger was a sign, too. I had just come to the point where I realized that I loved him dearly, but that I just couldn't be put in the position where my trust was broken repeatedly anymore. Space can be a good thing... sometimes we get so close that we have trouble really seeing what's going on.
Counseling is not a bad thing (I say this as someone in school to become a counselor, so disclaimer!). But really... self-growth is great and sometimes it takes having someone impartial to help you see things you just can't for some reason. I did a crapload of personal growth on my own, but the past couple of months I realized how much stuff was there that needed to be dealt with to make me a healthier person. It's hard, but so worth it.