Thanks to Autumnal Tone, Meringue, Redpepper, NeonKaos, and River for you comments regarding my “nervous” post in the New to Polyamory section. It really helped. I have to also thank Rider (husband) for his wisdom and understanding. He gets me and soothed some of my nerves and concurred with Redpepper that I was/am way over-thinking.
So, yesterday we went on our hike. I wove the comment about having an open marriage into our conversation. Mr. X’s only response was, “What exactly does open marriage mean?”. I told him that it means that Rider and I both have the freedom to develop relationships with whomever we want and that we each choose what kinds of relationships they are, whether friendship or something more. Then we just continued with our conversation and it was not a big deal.
We hiked for nearly 4 hours and when I took him back to his apartment he invited me to take a dip in the pool. Since I didn’t bring a suit we sat on the edge and talked for another hour or so. It was really relaxed and fun.
I do feel a sexual attraction to Mr. X (it’s a slow burn, not a “I must take you now!” thing) and he did a few things that made me wonder if he was sort of flirting. I told Rider about it and he said yes, that Mr. X was making a step in my direction.
I hope that he is open to some kind of a friendship. I really like him as a human being and I’d really love to have a hiking, backpacking and mountain bike riding buddy. For some reason I want that person to be a guy. If he only wants to be friends I’m absolutely OK with that. Having said that, I would like to explore a physical relationship with him. I want to take it slow so that I make sure he’s serious about being a friend in the long run but I did find myself wondering what it would be like if he kissed me.
Rider was awesome about it. He called it a “date” but I’m not sure about calling it that. It was 2 friends getting together and talking where one of the friends has other things on her mind. Anyway, it’s really cool to be able to come home and tell my best friend how things went and to ask him for advice. So weird!
I feel like an 8th grader. I want to just blurt it out and say, “Do you like me?”, “Are you tempted to touch me?”, “What is going through your head because mine is spinning the whole time I’m around you wondering what you’re thinking?!” Geez this is nerve wracking and fun in that off-kilter kind of way.