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Old 06-23-2011, 03:01 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,186
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mari View Post
The crux is - 2 people we know got together. We had an inkling something was 'going on'. The female is definately not in a poly relationship. The male feels he's poly but never been in one and it has been some time since he's been in any relationship, and longer still since sex (which he puts great emphasis upon).
Their business.

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His previous 'relationship' wasn't healthy and he didn't look at getting help after it and even now seems really closed on the idea of 'helping himself' via counsellor etc (I know, nothing I can do on that).
His business.

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Around the time they got together, he asked to return to the 'church/group' to be part of it and we talked upon a timing on that. This was, in my opinion maybe a time to privately tell either of us that they might be together, not because it's our business but for the sake of the 'church/group'.
Nope. Their business.

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Part of the major problem is nothing was said until everything came out after the ritual/celebration for him to return to the 'church/group'. He'd broken up with the 'married' woman and so she had come to the celebration with anger and pain
Her problem.

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Thus the newer members were very confused
Not their business.

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and this has meant that one of them now needs to be able to feel she can trust everyone else in the group again,
Her problem.

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Both of us feel betrayed and also angered
Your problem.

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that 2 other people in the group were placed in a very difficult position of having to lie to others.
I don't see anybody being forced to do anything, based on your description.

I can say that y'all seem to be up in everybody else's business in a dysfunctional fashion. I'm guessing that you're part of a Wiccan coven and wonder if that's normal for all such. I know that questions of "who is involved with whom" have no bearing on rituals with the pan-Pagan congregation I attend (nor in the recon groups and druid groves and so forth of which I'm aware), so it's not "a Pagan thing,' though it may be a Wiccan thing.
__________________
When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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