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Old 10-13-2009, 06:30 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,671

Originally Posted by violet View Post
I also really don't mean to come across negatively, Red, but DAMN girl! You need to fucking check yourself!

I could rant off for HOURS about exactly what about your posts just flat scared me, the parts that made me shake my head, the parts that resonated with me, and the overall tone that just made me want to slap some sense into you. I have seen relationships that were strong in every other way destroyed by the mindset you have. And I mean DESTROYED. That mindset, whether the girl or the guy has it, *WILL* create resentment, anger, and sometimes (like in HMA's case) flat hatred.

There's a couple of articles I want you to read. If you don't mind the suggestion.

The Theory of Jealousy Management
The Actual Practice of Jealousy Management

Even if the idea of being called "jealous" offends you, READ THESE ARTICLES. And turn a VERY critical eye on yourself. I can pick out, just from your posts, several of the mistakes you've made that are dealt with in these articles.

You posted more about your feelings than his, so I'm only guiding you - but if I knew more about him, rest assured I'd be calling his ass out if he deserved it too.

I would LOVE to hear of your relationship succeeding. But with the way things are going, it won't. Maybe it will succeed for a few years! Just like HMA - 5 years in, he still was "trying". He got fed up and fast when "something better" came along. EVERYTHING his ex was trying to prevent, she facilitated in her actions. You are doing the same thing.

Read through those articles, and sit your boyfriend down and read the ENTIRE FAQ with him. It's a fucking awesome place to start.

Polyamory FAQ

I wish you the best of luck, and feel free to PM me if you need someone to talk to.
I dunno, a few, "in my opinions," "maybe you shoulds," "I suggests," "perhaps you are doing this es," and "I have found this to be helpfuls," and I wouldn't find this offensive either.

I love the passion, just wish there was less self righteousness and more non-violvent communication in it.

Go violet you're a woman after my own heart. I can see we are made of similar cloth and "perhaps" (LOL) have similar communication styles to work on sometimes?
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