Yeah, sorry about the vagueness, I suppose I just wasn't sure if anyone would understand..
Dunno if I'm looking for advice as such, although it's always welcome as sometimes getting other's perspective is useful.
The crux is - 2 people we know got together. We had an inkling something was 'going on'. The female is definately not in a poly relationship. The male feels he's poly but never been in one and it has been some time since he's been in any relationship, and longer still since sex (which he puts great emphasis upon). His previous 'relationship' wasn't healthy and he didn't look at getting help after it and even now seems really closed on the idea of 'helping himself' via counsellor etc (I know, nothing I can do on that). Around the time they got together, he asked to return to the 'church/group' to be part of it and we talked upon a timing on that. This was, in my opinion maybe a time to privately tell either of us that they might be together, not because it's our business but for the sake of the 'church/group'. Especially taking into account that all relationships go through changes and things can get difficult. Anyway, her 'husband' didn't know what she was doing and I don't think he does unless she's finally told him the truth.
Part of the major problem is nothing was said until everything came out after the ritual/celebration for him to return to the 'church/group'. He'd broken up with the 'married' woman and so she had come to the celebration with anger and pain due to him breaking up because of getting together with someone else in the group. Thus the newer members were very confused and this has meant that one of them now needs to be able to feel she can trust everyone else in the group again, this will take work and I feel, this could have been possibly avoided/worked through if people had been truthful. Both of us feel betrayed and also angered that 2 other people in the group were placed in a very difficult position of having to lie to others.
Ahh sorry.. probably even less clear!