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Old 06-23-2011, 05:53 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Originally Posted by RugerLove View Post
one day it seemed the perfect one just dropped into our laps..... She already had 2 kids, but she wanted more.
Seems a little like she used you both for more babies no? I didn't quote it but she decided she would be bi-curious for you? That sounds a bit bizarre no? Sorry, I know you were into this woman, but it doesn't sound like she was a good fit for the two of you in a triad... a vee at some point maybe, but not a three-way love relationship of any longevity past the NRE stage of sex.

Originally Posted by RugerLove View Post
The option of him having his and me having mine is not open; it would have to be together or not at all with me. I know I am stuck somewhere that I am not sure has definition, but I know what I want right now, sure it could change later down the road, but right now this is it.
Well then, if that is it for now, then it has to be it for now. Time can do a lot to heal and change things. The thing is that eventually you either have to get on board with the same thing, or start dating separately.

Personally and in my experience, dating separately is usually where it ends up and far more productive in terms of getting ones needs met. The triad thing is all very nice, but hardly ever works out for any long time relationship dynamic. I think it might be time at some point to figure out where you are going with this and make future plans that you can work towards... if there seems to be some inconsistency and one or both of you is not able to budge on your boundaries, then I suggest doing nothing until one or both of you can. That sucks I realize, but what would be better? Being together and enjoying each other and no one else? Or pushing each others personal agenda and ending up resenting and hurt, feeling cheated on or guilty, misunderstood and miserable.... etc... and possibly broken up.

These are hard questions, but until you both decide what is going on and where you are going, I bet they will linger.

Originally Posted by RugerLove View Post
BTW I am still stuck on this most recent relationship we had. I think of her daily, the good, bad, what I would change, what I would do again. I feel right now that jumping into something else would be too fast for me. Itís like after a breakup and you need time to heal before you start again.
Good on you for taking the time. It sounds like you need it. Maybe you should ask him if you can leave all this alone until the fall (three months), enjoy your summer, strengthen what you have together and see how you feel then. Maybe you will still need time, maybe you will know what kind of path you feel comfortable with... so might he. His need to get going might be a result of his own lose. Who knows....
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