Originally Posted by joedirte
Everything fine with us i am woprried about the 3rd , it`s hard to tell someone it might have been a mistake bringing them in.
I agree with Tia... "bringing him in" sounds a little presumptuous. Perhaps if you take this route again, with someone that your wife or you actually has romantic thoughts for, you could think of the person as your equal rather than someone who is "brought into" your relationship.
Part of success in a poly relationship seems to be mutual respect that we are all equal within it, regardless of status. A secondary is an equal as much as a tertiary or a primary.. equal respect, care, rights... it can't be any other way or it implodes on itself it seems.
Mono is going to disagree with me on this I think as he enjoys his "lesser than" status in regards to my husband, who he sees as primary... he's used to hierarchy in his career and feels comfortable within that. It's a bit BDSM really, as according to him I own him... lol. Mistress Redpepper... LOL!