Originally Posted by Minxxa
When it comes to specifics, I think treating them the way you want to be treated can be problematic. I know that it's taken me a while to realize that I need to treat my husband very differently than I want him to treat me with regards to specific items because he doesn't feel the same way I do about those things. For a long time I thought I was being respectful and thoughtful because I was treating him the same way I wanted him to treat me-- and in the end it was causing problems because he does not see things the same way as me, and I was in fact making things worse. :-/
Yes, that's what I was referring to. I don't doubt that Neon is a smart person, but I think giving that advice can be problematic as some people will just follow it without thinking instead of communicating and figuring out what their partners want.
I think advice such as "treat others you want to be treated" just contribute to people thinking everyone works the same and it's already a too common misconception, so point out that people don't all work the same way is always good to do.
That's why I'm careful to say, communicate, figure out how people want to be treated, and treat them that way. Sure, it's more complicated than treating them the way you'd want to be treated, there are more steps and more effort required, but that's usually a better rule of thumb as far as I'm concerned.