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Old 06-22-2011, 02:06 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,188

Originally Posted by RugerLove View Post
Then the thing that blew up my world. She already had 2 kids, but she wanted more. Could I deal with that?
She may want more. That doesn't mean whomever she's involved with is going to want children with her. It's not a given that your husband would want to have children with her.

I wanted kids with my husband. Did I want her to have kids with my husband?
You having children with your husband is completely unrelated to him having children with her. Your issue appears to be completely about your husband having children with somebody else.

Then I read somewhere that everything could change and sometime through the process my husband could come to love her more than me or vice versa.
Your husband could get a new coworker next week with whom he gets quite smitten and runs off to Barbados with, too. Your husband could run off with somebody else whether the two of you are mono or poly, whether he's openly involved with ten other women, one other woman, or having an affair without your knowledge.

So, now I am scared that just me is not good enough anymore.
That appears to have been the case all along--it's nothing new. Until you figure out what makes you attractive, both in general and specifically to him, then your fear is what's going to keep you from having the relationships you dream about. Your "both of us together or not at all" is nothing more than an attempt to control everything because you're afraid you have nothing to offer.

So, yeah, you can try again--and you will have to do things differently. You're going to have to deal with your fears before anything is going to have a chance to work.

Remember this--your husband is with you precisely because he finds you attractive and valuable.
When speaking of various forms of ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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