So I figured I'd post just a little update, though not a whole lot has changed...
I did start seeing my own therapist, just had the second session today. We are still in the laying-it-all-out, history gathering, etc stage but I feel comfortable with him. He has come across as very open-minded and interested in my situation. I'm really glad, as I think it would have been very discouraging to run across someone who judged me harshly. I am interested to see where it takes me, and even though there haven't been any revelations or epiphanies or anything, it makes me feel a little better to feel like I'm doing something more productive than just letting my thoughts ramble around in my own head and worrying about how it will all turn out.
Granted, I'm still worried about how it will turn out. But at the same time, I'm really trying to take each day as it comes and enjoy it for what it is. I've found that, overall, I'm pretty good at shutting down the negative thoughts when I really want to enjoy time with my husband. I don't ignore them, but I try to limit them to a controlled time and space and give myself a chance to breathe in between.
On that note, my husband and I had a good conversation last week. It didn't change anything, and was a lot of reiterating of past thoughts and ideas...but I realized it was one of the first times I was able to really convey to him how hard this was for me, without either of us freaking out over it. It was emotional, yes, but there was love and compassion. I had realized that every time I talked about how hard it is for me right now, he would immediately talk about how hard trying to open our relationship was for him in the past. And I was able to tell him that it didn't help me to hear that he knew what I was going through, but that I really just needed to hear that it was ok for me to feel the way I do and that he heard and accepted my feelings, without comparing them. And it was really successful, he responded really well. We both commented on how our communication continues to grow and improve, even if our feelings and ideas seem a bit stuck.
Anyway, I guess that's all I've got for now. As always, questions and feedback are welcome!