Co-habitation, poly marriage, coming out - oh my!
I don't know how to make it all work.
simply spell out the ideal scenario.
let it magically appear.
I don't want his family excommunicating him for it.
How can we go about letting people know?
also could use pre-empting,
also known as warming them up to an idea.
To his family things like
"you probably like having long-term relationships with many people."
Can note how they have friends they've known and partied with for years.
They have jobs in their area, my husband and I have jobs here.
In terms of finances and moving in together,
I'd recommend a nature setting, with high level of self-sufficiency.
Though due to America's war on their own people, a more portable solution may be advisable.
Some polyamor's use RV's and travel from place to place.
It might also be quite doable with sailing boats.
You'd be surprised how little money you really need,
can give people boat rides or farm workshops.
I feel a little bit nervous for asking her the "big question" and I also feel nervous asking her if she wants to live with us. Ugh!
Oh and in terms of how to ask them about it,
I'd recommend setting yourself up as an "intentional community".
There are successful polyamorus intentional communities like Twin Oaks.
Twin Oaks is highly organized and scheduled to make sure things get done,
they share cars, tools, and export products made in the community.
With an intentional community,
you could have a sets of values,
written agreements of preference,
can vote on various common issues.
So really it would be best to let everyone part-take in the decision making process,
such as what setting you'd like to live in, how you'd like to get your food and products etc.