Originally Posted by Chimera
Minxxa, thanks for your thoughtful response. Part of what is going on is that I feel so alone in this. As all of you here know, often talking to non-poly people results in "well, what did you expect with your type of relationship."
Perhaps one issue, aside from him needing to figure out what's going on with him, is that I've been afraid to confront the fact that this time I am actually okay with separating because my trust is also gone. My fear of loss at what we have that's good is at war with my responsibility to care for myself.
I'm lucky enough to have a really good friend who isn't judgy about the nonmonogamy thing.
But I do completely get the fear of loss part. And even though we're together I'm really having to work on finding myself again and learning how to make myself happy.
Have you sat down with him and discussed your feelings? My thought is that you need him to hear that you have lost trust and faith in him. And that is causing you to contemplate leaving. It doesn't have to be dramatic, and it's not an ultimatum. It's just a statement of fact and he needs to hear it now, before you get so fed up you're gone and there's no room to work on things. Maybe he needs to have time alone to figure out what he really wants and what's going on with him. Or maybe he won't. And maybe with time alone to work on yourself without worrying about what he's doing, you'll end up finding some peace.
I know from experience that keeping it inside just doesn't work.