you're so brave!
Hi, Maca, I just want to say how brave you are for pursuing keeping this relationship going, and for working on your relationship with your wife's other partner. I'm new to poly, never been married, and always thought I was 'wired' monogamous then had everything flip 180 degrees suddenly. A mix of my best gal friend coming out to me as poly, then two nice guys both wound up in my life and in my bed withing a few months of each other, one of them poly, one just sort of wild and trying to figure out his deal. Anyway for me it's all about digging in my heart to find my insecurities, face them, and cross my fingers and hope my jealousy can flip to mad hot lust, which it has been doing, regularly.
Take things slow, big changes to how you though your heart was shaped can be a rocky ride, and don't be hard on yourself!