Burning the bridge part 3
I said some things that I shouldnít of on friday. I was angry about something that was said last night. Itís not how I really feel most days. I am starting to really like Draco but here comes the fear. Letís face it I havenít had a lot of men in my life that have been good to me. Everyone leaves or hurts me so deep that it almost breaks me.
Rane and Draco went for a walk together tonight, they talked about me and some of the questions on their minds. Again Draco said he cares for me but to Rane not me. I get to hear it second hand. I know I am not there yet. I am not close, I am my same guarded self. There are times during the day that I am so happy that Draco found us, he makes Rane happy, shows love and is loved. Something that has been lacking in his life I believe. We are a family and I have to let him in. I think of myself like a wall, there are small cracks that cover the surface, Draco is starting to seep into those cracks. He working his way into my heart. Tonight hr brought me a slurpee that was nice, it was just what I needed. LoL. I needed to spend some time alone to think and just chill.
Rane and I talked about her spending the night at Dracoís place again. I am nervous about it for a few reasons.
1) I am scared to alone for the night. For I think I will drive myself crazy thinking about what they are doing and am I missed? ( crazy I know)
2) Rane is away for the night and I canít protect her if shit goes bad. ( I donít think it will happen but itís a fear)
3) That both Rane and Draco will like it so much that it will be a weekly thing. And they will start to pull away from me.
4) No one will miss my snoring and when they come back to sleep at our house I will have sleep some where else cuz they canít sleep with me and my snoring.
5) I am just being stupid and blowing this all out of proportion. And being selfish and pulling everyone down.
Maybe I have to let it happen and see what the out come is. I always worry about the burning bridge over water that isnít there. Itís time to stop. Rane always says ďdonít worry about it we will make it though for itís what we doĒ. She is a smart woman and the love of my life. Maybe in time I will tell you dear blog reader that I care deeply for Draco as well.
Itís coming but you canít rush it. It will come. I have time.