Thread: Coming out
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Old 06-21-2011, 02:11 PM
Seiyoku Seiyoku is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 4
Default Co-habitation, poly marriage, coming out - oh my!

I'm new to this forum, but I've been trying to read through some discussion posts that all dealt with these things and such.

My husband and I are fairly "new" to polyamory/polyfidelity. I had a hard time throughout my early adult years trying to figure out what was "missing" in my life.
I thought swinging was all I needed, but I didn't want just random casual sex. I thought having a BDSM relationship was what I needed...although enjoyable, it wasn't my choice of life.

I started trying to have another serious relationship on the side as a part of a quad, but the drama was too intense and the other couple had too many issues to deal with and we broke it off.

After that, I tried dating single lesbians, although that didn't work either. Tried dating another male, and that was a bust as well.

I met my current girlfriend and things changed. She was what I wanted. I love her, her family, everything. Her parents already know she's not monogamous, they've known for years. Her sisters, friends, co-workers, etc all know.

Only people who know on my side is my sister and a handful of friends.

I feel horrible for not "outing" our amazing quad family. However, I'm not sure how my family (friends aren't my issue, they can take it or leave it, not my problem) will take it.
In reality, it's not my family I'm too worried about. I'm sure there will be some frowns of disapproval....but who I'm worried about is my husband.
His parents aren't exactly....the approving of alternative lifestyle types. They already aren't that into me (And we've been together 9 years!). His family is small and not as tight as mine. I don't want his family excommunicating him for it.

How can we go about letting people know?

Next two are kind of a merged topic.....

I want to marry her.

I want to have a home with my family and her family. I want all of us together.

It's been 3 long years and we're so happy. Her husband actually pulled me aside a couple of weekends ago to tell me that he's never seen her this happy before.
It just works.

They live about 2 hours from us.

They have jobs in their area, my husband and I have jobs here.

I don't know how to make it all work. I feel as if it's just all going to crumble apart and I don't want that. We're all very happy with eachother. We just all want to be closer, and it doesn't seem as if that's going to work at all because of family and finances (jobs).

I feel a little bit nervous for asking her the "big question" and I also feel nervous asking her if she wants to live with us. Ugh!

Sorry for this being so long...
I haven't gotten this out and I just needed to talk to people in similar situations about this stuff...

Please help me ease my mind and worries.

Thank you, in advance.
There's nothing wrong with having more than one love.
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