Davis and I spent a full week figuring things out. It was an exhausting time. I finally resolved the question of whether I really wanted to re-start an official relationship. It came down to this... I said to him -- "We've been friends, lovers and important people in each other's lives for a long time. The question now is, do we want to keep doing that, but with intention?" And the answer, for both of us, was yes. It felt so good to decide that. It felt joyous and simple and right.
The next day we went for a long walk and talked out the details. We delved into the background of things, the reasons behind our feelings, fears, and desires for the future. He accepts my desire to live a poly lifestyle but has a really hard time with the idea of me being with other people, especially other guys (he freely admits that having more of an issue with dudes makes no practical sense, but it doesn't change how hard it is for him). We agreed that in order to make this work we need to create a stable base of comfort, safety and familiarity that he can work from. Ultimately, the terms we settled on are as follows --
1) My relationship with Davis will in no way impinge upon my relationship with Gia. I didn't, at any point, pretend that this one was up for debate and he didn't, at any point, even suggest that he wanted to debate it.
1a) At such time as my sexual life with Gia resumes, Eric will be a part of it, but I will consider one or two potential limits upon that, such as taking intercourse with Eric off the menu for the time being. This one is not entirely resolved as of the time of this post.
2) I will take a break from all other intimate involvements (i.e. persons not Gia, Eric or Davis) until such time as Davis feels more comfortable with the idea.
2a) Davis will actively work on being more comfortable with the idea of me being with male partners, and we will re-evaluate where things are no later than three months from now. This one is mainly about Harry.
3) Neither of us will consider starting any entirely new entanglements until at least six months from now. I say "neither of us" because, as it turns out, Davis is actually interested in a threesome with me and another girl, so there actually is the possibility that he could end up involved with someone else, not just me.
3a) Davis gets to meet anyone I'm interested in before anything happens and wants to have some level of comfort with them (I haven't promised him a veto power, but this is basically that).
I know that what we're trying to do is going to be hard. It's already been hard -- sooooo many long and emotional conversations, so much difficult honesty. But what can I say, I believe that it's worth it. He's done a great job through all of this... not all guys are so good at processing their feelings, y'know? During the week of figuring things out, he joined me at a party at Gia and Eric's place, which Harry also attended. It was a difficult experience for him, being around my other lovers for an extended period of time, but he actually made friends with Gia and Eric, and was perfectly civil to Harry. Gia approved of him. That event was actually very important to my decision to try to make this work.