Originally Posted by CranberryStardust
Since when did privacy become synonymous with secrecy?
It seems a little exploitative to say that this girlfriend, the secondary, should sacrafice her own sense of comfort, her boundaries and privacy just for the "intimacy" of a relationship she isn't even involved in. Why is the OPs need for detail and the security she finds in discussing the sex life of her husband and his Gf more valid or important than the gfs desire for some discretion?
There is nothing wrong with sharing intimate details of your sex life or asking questions of others...but there is also nothing wrong with NOT asking or telling. It really is preference. No one should be judged based on their preference.
I personally wouldn't want a partner to share information or details of my sex life and I am not the least bit ashamed. I am a classy girl...and I don't fuck people so that someone else can enjoy the story later. Also, it takes away the intimacy...might as well tape it.
I think it would be interesting to just break it down to figuring out what the various issues are either way, openness or privacy. There's been a lot of assumptions and accusations in this thread, my own included. I'm mainly thinking about it from my own perspective, since I would enjoy having the freedom to openly talk about past experiences with a new partner. I would assume, of course, that the new partner wouldn't be using the knowledge to harm the person I was talking about. If I thought that would happen, I would talk about the past experience with reference to an anonymous 'friend of a friend.' I just know that I would feel like I'm over-dominating if I would tell an ex not to ever talk about anything we ever did with anyone else. I would expect her to take responsibility for it, though, if someone she discussed me with would use the information against me. It's no fun to be upset that everyone's gossiping about your fetishes and all your ex can say is "oh sorry" with a little giggle of indifference and enjoyment of your humiliation (after all you are their ex).