I dont know about the whole gossip worry. Is it because you're afraid the partner of a lover, feeling spurned, will "out" you to people you'd rather not know?
As far as sexual "secrets" or discretion, don't others here either consciously or unconsciously share new sexual practices with the first partner, that you've learned with partner 2 or 3? At least sometimes? I know I do. Wouldn't this be a way to non-verbally share so-called private things you've done with others?
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
There's no lying in polyamory!
I'm a 58 year old woman with 2 partners:
miss pixi, my live-in gf, 36 (together since Jan '09)
Ginger, bf, 61, married, lives nearby (together since Jan '12)