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Old 10-12-2009, 04:01 AM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,186
Default This should be interesting

A friend of ours figured out quickly that Curly and I are poly. (That's not really difficult, as we're not terribly worried about people finding out.) When he'd asked about it originally, I explained a bit about it and mentioned that Curly was interested in finding a girlfriend, though she was open to anything.

Well, he asked me about it again yesterday, asking if I thought she were open to men. He was wondering if I'd object to him approaching her. I have no objections to anybody approaching her and said so.

I just don't think he fully understands that "poly" doesn't mean "fucking around." He and his wife have major communication issues. I know he's cheated on her before (long conversations with one of their daughters explained a lot) and that he's been sexually frustrated in the marriage since they began having children. I don't see that as a good situation to be trying anything poly in, though that's their trouble.

So, I sent him a link to Wikipedia's entry on polyamory as a primer on what poly involves. I also pointed out that, should my wife decide to pursue the matter (she's only met him in passing and has no idea if she'd be interested in dating him), the first thing she'd do is sit down and chat with his wife about it. If it's not OK with his wife, it's not going to work for mine. (Yeah, I've discussed it Curly already).

I'm now wondering how this is going to play out. Will he simply decide to drop it because he'd have to be open about it with his wife? Could it actually spur them into seriously discussing their relationship and how to meet each other's needs better and then not want to?

Their family has problems with communication. They don't like that they can't communicate well--just can't seem to change what they're doing. I, apparently, am a good influence on them (stop laughing!) and have them thinking about how better to communicate with each other. (Meaning I've invoked the "If you want different results, you'll have to change what you do" principle a few times, among other things.)

I'm hoping this serves as a catalyst for him to begin working on communicating with his wife in a fashion that works for her, too. They're each (I'll include the daughters in that) basically good people locked in some really painful dynamics.

Besides reporting on what should be interesting to watch play out, I'm curious as to whether any of you folks find that other people are interested in learning how your relationships work, because they've never been involved in open, honest relationships?
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