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Old 06-19-2011, 08:41 AM
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Phy Phy is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Germany
Posts: 648
Default Shortly after the starting point ...

Hey, again!

A lot has happened and I am not in dire need of advice like before, but some third party thoughts would be appreciated. Almost two months have passed and we kind of got 'it' (whatever it will be in the end) started. First of all, a little update to get what is going on.

On the 10th last week I visited my friend. It was his birthday. We agreed to spent 5 days together, because the way is really long (8 hours by train) and we just had to make sure how the dynamic between us would or could work. I was a nervous wreck most of the time, especially at first when I got there and later when I went home, but it was unbelievable positive as well. And it was so hard to keep the taboos we set and agreed on before to be able to get a clean start on things later on. Another day and … but well, we managed. Despite the fact that we only had a small room with nothing more than a bed in it. First hurdle: Check.

Back home I somehow managed to tell my husband what was going on as well. During the weeks before the visit I had thought about what could go wrong, what his reaction may be, how worse our daily life could become and so on. I worried myself sick at some point and got the feeling that nothing will be as it was before when I finally got on the train on Friday last week. As if I was leaving something precious behind without the chance to get it back. But everything took a different turn.

He was calm. And collected. He listened to my explanations and skipped to all possibilities and consequences he could think of in less than an hour. I was speechless. After the first misunderstandings like “Do you want to leave me?” and “Did anything happen between you two?” or “Do you love one more than the other?” everything went so smoothly that I was kind of worried by the fact that there was no drama. Of course he later on needed some time to get things sorted out and he slept really bad that night and the next one (meaning hardly any sleep at all) and his appetite declined. But, all in all he was really accepting and understanding and today, five days after this bad news had been dropped on him, he is back to his old self. Second hurdle: Check.

Well, here are my concerns: Is this really ok? He is sooo fast with everything that is going on. He talked to my friend on the third day, they talked for some hours and got along with each other quite harmoniously. Topics: living together, sex, jealousy, friendship, relationships, children, business and work and what not. One point that seems to be quite supportive is the fact that my husband thought of my friend as 'part of the family' already. And that he and I already have had some kind of relationship in the past. Not a physical intimate one, but an emotional.

So here comes my question: Is this fast progressing possible without hidden pitfalls that will make us stumble? There is no concrete talk about the second meeting despite the fact that my friend and I would like to, obviously, and that my husband understands how we feel and talks about 'the next upcoming weeks, let's see what happens'. Do I have to protect him from his own courage? I do not want this to end badly because we rushed things and my inner workings are a lot slower, I would never progress with such speed.
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