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Old 06-18-2011, 11:20 PM
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sage sage is offline
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 633

The best thing piece of advice I have heard over poly relationships of any kind was given by Neon Kaos recently (sorry don't ask me where). She said (paraphrasing)"Treat others as you would like to be treated and don't let others treat you any differently"

This is where I am at the moment. Having not had a drink in nearly 6 months I am much more sensitive to pain. The last time Z was away with J I felt pain almost to the same level I did in the very beginning. I thought I had got the whole separation thing down. I have built my life to a point where it stands up really well on its own without him. There were still a few pangs of emotions but generally I was really pleased. Then the skies between NZ and Australia were emptied because of a bloody volcanic ash cloud from Chile. I went to pieces. I suppose it was jealously towards Z that he had arms to hold him through the extended separation and I didn't.

That might sound childish and it was only an extra 36 hours (although it could have been longer) but the pain of it is making me cry right now. I have worked really hard at the whole mono/poly thing, but enough is enough. I would never put him through pain like that and I'm no longer prepared to put myself though it. I know in this case it was something unplanned that was the trigger but the underlying problem is inequity. We are addressing that now.

Can you not survey your community to find out what they want out of this workshop? Maybe it's just curiosity, if as Mono says most of them know better than to get themselves into Mono/poly relationships.

I also agree with Mono that you guys are incredibly unique and your situation probably has more to do with the workings of a tribe than mono/poly. Maybe that is what your workshop should be about?
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