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Old 06-18-2011, 09:56 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,882

Originally Posted by Xared View Post
I'll tell him eventually. I want to give my current arrangement more time to develop. There's a very good chance it'll work out, but there's some difficulty and it's going to take time. I want to make sure it's going to last for a while at least before burdening my father with ideas he's not used to. If my current arrangement doesn't work out, I'll tell him then, because I'm absolutely sure I am polyamorous.
I think this is a key point - waiting until poly relationships feel secure.

People who are new to poly (like myself) or just starting out into a poly arrangement, can let their excitement about it carry them away and then they go tell everyone. Meanwhile, they're still on shaky ground, figuring it all out, and if/when something goes kablooey in their faces, then all these other people who know can wag their fingers and say "I told you so."

I think it's probably best for someone to get their land legs first, and wait until you can answer questions with confidence, security, and conviction before outing oneself.

Of course, there are exceptions. I think people in their early to mid twenties can blabber on about all kinds of scenarios because most older folks will look at that as an experimental stage. That time of life is all about finding out who you are, so the biggest challenge will probably to convince others you are serious when full-on committed relationships develop.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
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