Originally Posted by serialmonogamist
Well, I guess you could read more into my questioning of privacy because imo secrecy and shame are byproducts of culture that equates open sharing with danger.
Once again you're assuming shame is part of the equation. Once again I will point out that it is not and that you'll never understand our position if you insist on that assumption.
It's quite simple: if you and I are involved with the same woman, what she and I do sexually is none of your business. I am *not* choosing to share that intimacy with you simply because you are also involved with her.
Should you ask for any such details, you are attempting to coerce intimacy with me that I don't choose to offer.
Should she speak of such details without my consent, then she is violating my trust and forcing an intimacy on me that I don't wish to share.
I guarantee it's a self-limiting process, for once I find out about such a thing, there would be no further intimacies to worry about.
In short: *I* get to decide with whom I'm intimate. Not her and not you. Anybody who can't understand that isn't ready for a relationship, as far as I'm concerned.